


Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)

by Niflheim



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Montreal Canadiens, implied past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 11:22:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2619929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niflheim/pseuds/Niflheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The four times Alex sees Brendan, before he can see Nikita.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt to write a small story. This whole thing was inspired by: [Home Frontier](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2473865) by [ice_hot_13](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ice_hot_13/pseuds/ice_hot_13). If you haven't read this fic, please go check it out!

-

Nikita is winter. 

He is the familiar cold of an empty rink, of a new sheet of ice, of a childhood spent in Russia. Nikita is new like the first snowfall of the year, the first goal of his career, the minutes counting down a new year. He is wonder and excitement, eager to please and easy to smile. And Nikita is a cold wind, one that haphazardly blew into Alex’s life and left him breathless. 

Sometimes, Alex looks at Nikita and he wishes he had known him earlier, when things weren’t so complicated. He wishes he knew Nikita when there was no one to compare Nikita too and no secret memories for Nikita to compete with. Alex wants to will himself into letting go, into forgetting it all. And yet he remembers… 

Nikita is not Brendan.

-

Nikita is not subtle.

Nikita slams him into the boards, almost going hoarse from celebrating the goal. The Bell Centre roars too, as Alex’s OT winner is replayed overhead. Leaning in close, Nikita makes filthy promises in hurried Russian whispers. Alex grins and grins even more sheepishly when Emelin shakes his head in disbelief. 

“Nice one, Chuck.” 

Alex knows this voice too well. Even as the mob of red, blue and white are dispersing around him, all Alex wants to see is Brendan’s obnoxious grin. Instead he sees the number 11 getting smaller and smaller, skating back towards the dressing room. Brendan doesn’t look back.

 _Why don’t you need me like I need you?_ Alex wants to ask. 

All the while, he never notices that Nikita hasn’t let go. 

-

Nikita is possessive. 

When they are together in bed, Nikita is always leaving marks across Alex’s body – bruises across his hips, and small bites along his neck. It’s like Nikita wants the world to know that Alex is his and his alone. 

Brendan never left any marks. He was always cautious, careful.

 _Brendan was afraid someone would see…that someone would know,_ Alex realizes.

But Nikita has no such qualms. 

And it is Nikita who pulls him into another kiss. 

-

Nikita is angry. 

He’s manages to spit out, “you piece of shit” and a combination of other English and Russian expletives at the Boston bench.

Alex isn’t quite sure why – he’s not the one nursing a bloody nose. 

“That fucker,” darkly muttered Nikita, as he jumped on the ice for his shift. It takes all of two seconds, before Nikita is off after Marchand. Predictably, this doesn’t go well and a brawl erupts instead.

Nikita has Marchand in a headlock of sorts, while Bergeron is trying to pull him off. Lucic is also rearing for a fight, but Emelin has him in a hold. For every black and yellow jersey on the ice, a red, white and blue isn’t far behind. Tempers are boiling over and the Boston crowd is edging everyone on.

By the time the linesmen break everyone up, Nikita ends up being the only one sent to the penalty box. PK is vehemently arguing the call with the linesman, but it’s no use and the Boston faithful do their best to drown out whatever PK’s saying with a sea of boos. 

The Bruins end up converting and go on to win the game.

_Brendan wouldn’t have done that,_ Alex thinks as he watches Nikita get his gear off. 

But when he catches Nikita’s eyes, Alex smirks at him fondly anyway.

And Nikita smiles back. 

-

Nikita is tired.

He’s doesn’t respond to Alex’s texts. He doesn’t share Alex’s bed. He doesn’t say a word to Alex during practice.

 _He is tired of me,_ Alex thinks, _just like Brendan._

The Canadiens win their third game on the road that night and the team decides to have a night out, a night full of food and drinks. Alex welcomes the distraction – it gives him one more excuse not to think about Brendan…or Nikita.

By now, he should have known better than to tempt fate. 

Alex tried to guide an incredibly drunk Nikita to their shared hotel room. He should have known better than to let Nikita near the alcohol. And when Nikita got wasted – he was even more talkative then usual.

“Why do you still want him – when you have me?” Nikita asks, as Alex tries to settle him into the hotel bed. 

The question catches Alex off guard and he doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t know why he remembers Brendan, why he feels the need to continue remembering Brendan. He doesn’t know why Nikita isn’t enough, even though Nikita has always been more than enough. He doesn’t know what to say.

But all Alex knows is one thing.

_“I love you, only you.”_

And he doesn’t want to lose him.

-

Nikita is home.

Nikita is Alex’s constant and companion. Nikita is always and forever, there is nothing that compares or competes with him. Alex watches Nikita practising drills on the ice and he knows that wherever Nikita is, he’ll be there too.

“Staring at your boyfriend, Chuck?” Brendan teases.

“Well, he is not bad looking.”

Nikita shoots a puck in their general direction, causing Brendan to laugh. 

But Alex only has eyes for Nikita. He thinks about kissing Nikita, touching him, leaving small marks all over his body. Alex winks suggestively and laughs when Nikita turns a bright shade of red. 

He shouts filthier suggestions in Russian, until Emelin has had enough and physically drags Alex away from Nikita. All the while, Nikita’s laugh echoes through the rink. 

Later that day, neither Alex nor Nikita get much sleep. They are both busy with each other.

This time Alex kisses Nikita first.  
-

Nikita is not Brendan. 

Nikita is Nikita. And all Alex knows is that he loves him.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is much appreciated!


End file.
